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No time for party politics under threat of alien attack 

11/21/2012

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Today marks the fifteenth day since the re-election of President Obama and according to numerous sources there has been a petition written by at least one disgruntled citizen from all 50 states asking to allow their state to "peacefully withdraw from the United States of America and create its own new government." The White House says they will provide a legitimate response to any state that receives at least 25,000 petitions. Right now, Texas has the most. Even Texas Congressman Ron Paul has endorsed the measure.

I am reminded of how I felt in 2004 when President George W. Bush was reelected to a second term. Although I was upset, I do not recall submitting an application to secede from the union.

Last week, I read a piece about a firearms dealer in Arizona who hung a sign out on the front door of his shop, which reads, “If you voted for Barack Obama your business is NOT WELCOME at Southwest Shooting Authority.” The sign continues, “You have proven you are not responsible to own a Firearm.”

My eyebrow made a beeline for the ceiling.

On the Facebook, a ”friend” of mine posted an interesting thought. It was something to the effect of “Due to the fact that Obama will still be giving handouts to all of our Lazy Americans, I will no longer, for the next 4 years, donate any food, money, clothing, cell phones, anything of value that I have worked for. I will only give funds or food donations to the local animal shelter, so if you’re not walking on all fours, good luck. Go out and get a job and stop begging, you’re not dogs!”

I left a comment of course.

NEWS FLASH: In just one month, it will be December 21st 2012, and according to the Mayan calendar, this age will come to an end. What a shame to spend the next four weeks complaining, upset with the outcome of the election, bitching to the people around you or participating in negative banter on Facebook. It is time to find some peace, if you consider yourself a Republican. For if you keep getting yourselves all worked up, you may have a heart attack before you get a chance to be annihilated by aliens.

(If you are a skeptic, only for the good of this read, please suspend disbelief).

Look, I get it. It’s hard out there for us all. I am a college graduate and an entrepreneur, but I still have to work part-time as a retail salesman in New York City. I hate it, honestly. I die a little each day I have to go. The job does not fulfill me creatively, but it’s a humbling experience and it has taught me the value of a dollar. When I am old, I will be like my grandparents who survived the Great Depression. I will have money hidden inside of hollowed out books, unless of course the world as we know it is destroyed by malevolent aliens.

What do you suppose the Mayan people meant by ending their calendar on a date, which will take place four weeks from today? Did they just run out of room on the wall they were etching? Were they just like “Okay, that’s enough, future people can take it from here, etc, etc…” 

Not according to ancient astronaut theory. 

FOOL, DON’T YOU KNOW THE TRUTH? Beings from another planet visited earlier civilizations such as the Egyptians and the Maya and all the religions of the world stem from these encounters! 

In about six weeks a major event is going to take place. I would like to believe we’re on the cusp of a cosmic shift in perception, but that’s just the liberal in me. Let us hope for the opposite of a radical polar shift or the mutually assured destruction of all mankind.

But what if the worst is so and you’re an angry republican? 

What are you doing to enjoy your last month of life, as you now know it? Are you spending quality time with your loved ones? Are you finding fulfillment and joy in your life? 

If you are finding yourself trapped in an endless rigmarole, upset about the economy, or just dissatisfied with your life in general, repeat this to yourself quietly: “I am better than no one but I am beneath no one, we are all human and we all will die someday.” This mantra helps me find a bit of solidarity, which is something from which we can all benefit, be you democrat or republican, especially during the last of your days. 

How quickly would this place become a one-world government if malevolent aliens attacked the Earth on December 21st 2012? 

Almost immediately, ethnocentricity would die uniting all nationalities and creating truly one human race. 

I believe that all of the world’s governments know conclusively about the existence of extraterrestrial beings. 

I feel the crash at Roswell is true and one of the reasons why technology has evolved so exponentially over the past sixty some-odd years is due to the reverse engineering its remains. 

BUT GET THIS: If we were to assume that all of the above information is accurate, and aliens from another world are about to make contact, than did we put the right man into office after all? 

Latent in Mormon cosmology are many intergalactic overtones. What better belief system is there for our president to champion? Scientology perhaps? 

I for one have confidence in Obama at the G8 summits. He will be a much better ambassador to help shepherd us into the New World Order. And besides, Romney would not have been inaugurated until January 20th 2013 anyway; therefore, Barack Obama would still have been the man to lead us to our impending doom. 

I regress. 

DECEMBER 21ST 2012: Whether mass extinction or Friday happy hour, we have to start realizing that however dissatisfied we feel, getting obliterated by aliens is much worse. So, let us stop this partisan griping because we are all American, and regardless of your skin tone or religion, you are a human being. 

The partisan bickering must end if we are to experience true clarity because we’re going to get there anyway. We are finally beginning to understand that we are one. Do aliens really need to invade before humanity can adopt this universal consent? 
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    Bobby P.

    I never won a Pulitzer.
    But I can string a couple sentences together.

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